Amoir: needs a reality tv show

I've realised that for too long, TV programmers have ignored the Amoir demographic. Sure, it's a demographic of one. Sure, it's of a person who counts smoking, sitting and swearing as hobbies. Sure, it might scare the nation. But it might teach them to love again.

So, jaded TV programmers: sign me up, slather me in spackfiller and Supre and cast me in the following Amoir-friendly reality tv shows.

• Farmer wants a surly chain smoker
  
• Dancing with the SARS
  
• MasterSnark
  
• The Amazing Sit Down On The Couch With a Cuppa
• From Zombette to Zombie
  
• Taken Out (by people who only see me as a friend. An embarrassing friend.)
• Who wants to get Legionnaires?
  
• The Biggest Oozer (I get to squeeze pimples)
  
• Project Lie-Down-And-Have-A-Nap-Way
• My Super Sweet 16 Gyoza In One Sitting
• Girls Gone GHD